Well for someone who considers herself a writer and to be savvy in the computer tech world, it astounds even me how long I have left it to begin blogging.
I suppose laziness, or fear of ranting perhaps?
It is equal on both sides of the fence however, as I rarely read a Blog either.
Yet of late, it has been a tiresome struggle to get through to the world via the most obvious access points, being family, friends, or spouse; therefore I have been lead to many a Blog, by way of my need for reaching out.
I found Stephen Fry’s Blog and site/paper at www.stephenfry.com this related well, as I was in midst of a certain bipolaric state, so reading some of his adept musings aswell as being directed to his Documentary ‘The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive’ served me well.
It taught me things I didn’t know, yet having extensively researched and even studied Psychology to learn more, I was still opened up to a more diverse understanding about the Disorder of Bipolar. I was previously unaware of the extremes in the varying behavioural symptoms, as reading/learning from a book, or paper regards the diagnosing or limited criteria that exists in diagnosing, it wasn’t as clear of the variety of overlapping behaviours and triggers, this again served me well.
The largest factor learnt from this Documentary was that Mania isn’t necessarily about elation, speed, hyper activeness, delusions, risky behaviours; but can also be characterised as irritable, aggressive, rage, irrational misinterpretations aswell as perceptions!
This hit home in a ‘sledgehammer to the head’ way for me.
In part I was relieved, as now I know ‘it ‘ (said aggressive behaviours/reactions) still remains part of the one illness, and partly devastating as yet again I am faced with being faced with my Bipolar.
I was amazed to learn Stephen Fry had not taken medication regularly up to the point of the making of the Documentary, although I am aware of the ease by which working in the entertainment field can glaze over the illness, giving the sufferer an outlet or to be someone other then themselves at the same time as concealing the illness to the majority of the population.
I was reminded that there is a positive side and even an asset in having this illness; that in fact I may not be who I am, nor be adept in what I can do that most others consider talent, had I not this affliction.
It also reminded me that science particularly that in regards to Mental Health is still so novice, as the brain is a complex organ and within it are a universe of chemicals, chemical reactions, neurological triggers, psychological conditioning and the list is infinite.
One knows only one thing for certain, this kind of research, into such conditions will be endless, but if we take a look back over the past 50 years even, at the developments made in favour of the patients, we have gone from institutionalised, electro shock therapy being the norm, to outpatient therapy based treatments and the know how of certain pharmaceutical combinations to curb or balance the imbalances or broken brain as I am used to calling it.
So full swing aggression and ARGH this morning has ended in a calmer more compassionate view and feel of myself.
Thank you Stephen Fry.