I Give Up

I Give Up

They say it’s easy to give up

That it’s a cop out

Cowardly

I disagree wholeheartedly

The mind-bending struggle it takes

For a decision of any kind to make

To view all angles and those within

To recognise your life’s yet to begin

Subsisted through circumstance alone

Teased or hinted at some wee throne

To have all hope held off fast

As absolutely nothing ever lasts

Faces of supposed friends

Loved ones at worlds end

Society increasingly toxic

Repetitive wars the subject

Non child-bearing loner

Blessed by chance with another’s

Though not mine to grasp

They too will go fast

Not a leg to stand on see

This in essence how will always be

One can find some motivation

Infuse ideas with activation

Dream of where want life to go

Yet deep down always know

A shell, lifeless with agonising core

Feel as though always wanting more

Yet what is here is easily lost

I have nothing for the life at cost

Tired from holding up these shields

All and any efforts not yield

Coming up to Fifty-Five

It’s obvious I shouldn’t be alive

I lived once, a happy life

Ok yeah was filled with strife

But somehow a care-free nature did exist

Then great changes caused amiss

From moving, shifting betwixt

Some toxicity surfaced

From holding self up even as child

My coping mechanism was going wild

I have honestly tried everything

To be of goodness in society

I even did 26 years of sobriety

I wish to aid in healing world events

At least aid those suffering lament

To offer a space of understanding and care

Yet external reactions deemed unfair

I no longer know who sees straight

Is it me or they at hells gate?

I am worn and torn all used up

Each time I loved came at a cost

My life was over many moons past

The life god gave somehow lost

Whether I am or not a toxic mess

I no longer know I must confess

I give up as no step can take

Cannot do right for doing wrong my namesake

At least I can ascertain I am no fake

But a life of purpose I cannot make!

This all sounds so self-absorbed

Even my poetry full of distort

I lay waste to a persons life

This space on earth I fill disliked

On the contrary life is precious

Earth as a whole filled with fascination and beauty

Good people exist though somehow few

If I am one of them I have no clue

I give up being uncertain

I give up hiding broken behind this curtain

I give up being target of abuse

I give up querying my own misuse

Do I incite or invite this crass

Am I a sociopathic mess?

Diagnosed not yet others point

Perpetual merry-go-round of disjoint

I give up spending my each waking hour

Deliberating who is the enemy in this shower

Shower of broken debris

Is it them or is it me?

Copyright. 2023. Dorn Simon